if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
