Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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