I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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