At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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