I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
