I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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