I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
