Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
