Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
