I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
