Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
