Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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