OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
How's work?
Spinning.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we should paint friendship bongs
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