just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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