i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
