Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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