i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
