We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
