At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
