for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
