He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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