Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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