i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
