dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
