hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
