Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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