put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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