i already hear my dad disowning me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's just like the Real World with babies
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
