alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
