I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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