Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
