Can i not drive my cunt home
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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