Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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