Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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