sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
