i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the day after is always just damage control
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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