Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
