if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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