Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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