Four minutes until I can fart!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
