I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
