I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
