there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
