She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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