whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
