we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
