I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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