Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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