before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
