New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
