Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
